Remember when you first found out that your child had special health care needs and you wanted desperately to talk to another parent who had "been there?" Sooner or later you will likely be the parent that someone else comes to for advice and support. Here are some do's and don'ts:

Things to Do

• Let the family you are talking to direct the conversation. Encourage them to express their concerns and questions.
• Be open-minded and accepting of their feelings and attitudes.
• Be a good listener
• Confidentiality is a must.
• Acknowledge and talk to and about the other children in the family
• Ask the parent how he or she is doing. Ask about the other parent and how he or she is doing if they are not present.
• Act as a friend and share similar feelings, fears, apprehensions, etc.
• Boost morale and self-image, e.g. comment on positive steps they have already taken.
• Tactfully relate your own positive experiences, but let them find their own solutions.
• Inform them of support services related to their child's disability, but don't immediately overload them with information.
• Encourage parents to take time out for themselves, with a view toward balance in caring for and meeting the needs of all the family members.

Things Not to Do

• Do not try to psychoanalyze or give medical advice.
• Do not try to give final answers or solutions. You may tell them what you have done, but let them reason things out. You may try to present various alternatives.
• Do not criticize professionals, agencies, or institutions of care. You will, of course, listen patiently to them if they complain or criticize.
• Do not dump your problems on them.
• Do not take on their problem. You are there to help them by being a good listener as they talk about and come up with possible solutions for their problem. You may suggest referrals and resources that can help them. These actions let you reach out and help the family without directly solving their problem or taking it on as your own.
• Do not talk about them to others.

This article is taken from an article on the Parents Helping Parents website located at www.php.com

---

questions or comments? contact us Oklahoma Family Voices, P.O. Box 32255, Oklahoma City, OK 73123